From meaningless to meaningful

This post could be seen as a "positive" post, in it's dooms day melancholy, if that's a thinkable combination.

Anyhow, I've gone through a quite harsh time of decisions this fall. The choices I've been pondering was either to start studying, to continue at work where I am now which I hate, or to try to find a new job that could be more ideologically rewarding or meaningful on a personal level. I applied for a job as a Linux server manager, got to two interviews but decided to decline the offer because it didn't feel right. It would pay more but who needs the extra money when that's not what you're interested in? (hah, sounds unthinkable, doesn't it?)

So I didn't take the job, and I decided that the internal destruction and decadence of the inner me at my current work situation wasn't an alternative, since it would clearly make me go crazy for real if continued. Therefore I decided to take a semester of political science and got leave from work to do that full time.

Never in my life has any decision in the "professional" part of life felt this right. It's indescribable how good this feels. The drawback is that it doesn't really lead to very much professional progression, but it's rewarding in the sense of evolving as a human being.

This is kind of a key point of my view of the world and western society. It's not really OK or encouraged to do something economically negative that enriches ones personal desires and evolves your creativity and personality. See, it doesn't produce money. Money. What the fuck is up with the obsession of constant economic growth? Not only on the business level but I can feel this pressure from society itself. I can feel the question hanging in the air: "but what do you achieve with this?" in a definite economic sense. This is what's been holding me back from taking this step for about 2 years. I decided on "fuck it, I'll do what I want" and then did it, but it took me two years of more or less psychotic attacks and general miserability, lack of energy to do anything on my spare time etc. I mean, what's the point of going to work to earn money if all it gives you is miserability and a pile of useless money on your account, when there's no spiritual growth-point in mindless consumerism of stuff you don't need, and when you don't have the energy to do anything with your spare time and money, but sitting around and feeling terrible? Nah man, fuck that shit, it ain't worth it.

So now I'm gonna do something that makes the inner me feel good and joyful and where I can feel a personal growth and a spiritual connection between my inner and outer selfs. Where I can feel that the I within is in tune with I. Where I can feel the presence of my inner divinity. You can call it Jah, or what you refer to when saying "Namaste" ("I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namaste).

Feeling that I fit in for once. At work, I continually feel like the black sheep, even though it somehow feels good, it also drains my energy to be the only colorful radical in a dead, black-and-white reality. It feels good in the sense that I probably, on some low level affect these people to open their hearts and minds towards new things, towards something different and unfamiliar, but it drains me too much. I need more like-minded people around me to carry on in Babylon.

I reckon my expectations on my future study mates are quite high, but I can't help it. I want out of this place of dead minds and boring people. I don't want to spend most of my hours awake with people I can't relate to, with people I don't feel any spiritual connection with.

The decision I've made has economic consequences, but I'll simply have to handle it. It's worth it. Life is, when it comes down to it, only what you make of it. Nothing more, nothing less. You have to make meaning in life, unless you, by a miracle, "find" meaning. So I reckon this is me making life meaningful to live. It's me listening to what's inside, to the I within I.

This is hopefully the turning point. This is where I stop passively tagging along, and start actively taking the wheel and steering my life towards something that is in the beginning rewarding for myself, and hopefully I will turn this goodness towards the rest of ya'll.

I think my personality the last, probably 2-3 years, have changed from being a pretty distinct doer to a more visionary thinker. My view of the world, and how I want the world to become has changed from accepting the shit for what it is, towards contemplating the miserability of it, and finding ways to how I can change it. If I can do what I can do, others can do their bit, and together we can pull our straws towards making it a more equal place, more in harmony with nature and a more sustainable place. Maybe a bit less meaningless stuff, a bit less for the stinking rich, but for the benefit of the many less fortunate, and for a sustainable ecosystem.

In this time of inner struggle I see the light. I see the light of studying, of doing something that enriches myself that I can hopefully use to make this world a better place.

Run your head into the wall, to wake up from your mindless rat race!

Sitting here, watching my inner screen how people around the western world are running around their rat race. Not seeing what they do to Mother Earth. Not seeing what happens in the third world because of the exploitation of the capitalist system. It's all about consuming, about going to work everyday, enslaving your mind with numbness of your paid slavery. Then at home, after stressing through your average day, you go to a store to buy some ridiculously expensive gadget or piece of clothing that costs several hundred times more than what the enslaved child with a chain around his ankle, shackled to the machine he's working at, is getting. You do this to numb the voice inside you, YOUR OWN VERY SOUL for fuck's sake! To quiet the voice saying

"Seriously! What the FUCK is going on here? Are you not going to engage in ANY spirituality at all? Are you not going to look within yourself? Are you not going to listen to your own spirit? Why are you silencing yourself with worthless crap?"

People don't even have a political view anymore! This is also numbed to indifference leaning one way or the other. Nobody is burning for anything anymore. It's just commerce and consumerism broken off by running the rat maze at work.

Once again, I must cite my Teacher Of Life:

Don't forget your history;
Know your destiny:
In the abundance of water,
The fool is thirsty.
Rat race, rat race, rat race!

Rat race!
Oh, it's a disgrace
To see the human-race
In a rat race, rat race!
You got the horse race;
You got the dog race;
You got the human-race;
But this is a rat race, rat race!

-Marley

"In the abundance of water, the fool is thirsty" SO captures the essence of the western rat race world today.

Back in the day, back in the seventies, people had an opinion about stuff that is fucking WRONG in the world, now they just mumble something indifferent at inequities, starving children, humanitarian rights violations etc. They just give in to this mind consuming consumerism society. Money and stuff is "the opium for the people" today, and it pisses me the fuck off! Why won't you stop for a sec and look at yourself?! look at your fucking ugly gucci dress, your vuitton bag or your prada shoes! (note that I intentionally spelled the brands with small letters since I don't consider them worthy of a capital letter) Are they worth the ridiculous amount of money, just for the brand? So that you can show the world how totally deluded and ignorant you are about the rest of the world? Is it worth it, the children in Vietnam and cambodia who work 16 hours a day for barely enough to eat to create your expensive worthless shit?

I sit here, about to make some delicious vegetarian food in a minute, contemplating all this unnecessary meat consumption today. Why are you eating 400 grams of meat everyday? It's not even necessary if you are a hunter/gatherer. It's certainly not necessary if you sit on a chair all day "working" at a computer. (That's what I do. Stuck in Babylon)

There is nothing in any sort of meat you cannot get through the vegetables available. On top of that, a general meat eater requires the same space for food production as TWELVE VEGANS. not 5, not 10 but TWELVE. Food and clean water is already starting to run short in many places around this globe, so miss treated by ignorant humanity. (you go and look for the source, I can't be arsed) Besides, the global warming isn't exactly helped by the fact that the meat industry is responsible for TWENTY PERCENT of it, whereas the transportation sector is lingering at about 3.5 percent.

I learned something when I went out of Babylon to look at it from the outside on the other side of Earth. I have seen how people live in Malaysia, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand etc. and what strikes me is the social retardation going on in western Europe and especially Sweden. This country is striving more and more to force everyone into being SHEEP. You can not think for yourself. Everything that is POTENTIALLY dangerous for any small part is forbidden or restricted. You are not allowed to judge what is right and what is not for yourself. This decision is made for you.

Now you might be sitting there, on the other end, as a reader, thinking: "This guy is a fucking commie, he should want to be-sheep the population" But I must say: Sorry mate,
I'm a liberal socialist, meaning I want the economy to be controlled by a gov't striving for equality, and the freedom of choice for the individual to be more free than it is today. We don't need to have these extreme punishments for drugs, we need to educate people of the positives and negatives of them. We don't need to have fines for someone giving a friend a ride on the back of his bicycle. Seriously! wtf!? In all of asia, THE WHOLE FAMILY goes on ONE motorbike and nobody wears a helmet! I'm not saying it's ideal to do this, what I'm trying to get through is that this amount of rules which "helps" people not to be forced to think, actually takes away the ability for people to make an educated judgement in a normal situation. The part of the population becoming adult now and in the near future will not have this ability. I'm not joking! It's a curling nation! Swipe all problems away, but you're not helping your child, you're making it STUPID, IGNORANT AND UNEDUCATED YOU RETARDED FUCK!


Is anyone even reading this? oh well..